Poems Of 1995

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	Alone 95 He sits in the corner, Alone… She stands on the corner, Alone… They are alike in this, Alone… Together in a crowd, Alone… Soon to be no more, Alone. Never to part, Always, Alone. A Walk 95 Not even knowing Not really caring Whether or not. Just a fancy Not true holding together Walking laugh. Simple Ways 95 Some say the simple ways are gone. The younger don’t know these ways. So they will. The simple ways should never die They should flourish and become. Not the blind way, All to say, Is the same. Quietly coming forth, They will become together. Simple ways will make due. For Keeps 95 It suddenly changes, It does matter. And to do anything To keep and save it. Hold onto it. Put it in a mason jar. And lock the lid. Throw away the rusty key. And by all, don’t let it go. Blinding night 95 The dark comes And the creatures Open their faces to It’s everblinding and Lucid night. You 95 Your eyes are like looking into Your own personal galaxy. Where your thoughts are stars And your ideas are constellations. Virtual Nothing 95 Millions of bright lights, Gather in the darkness. Two lingering shadows On the dusky sunset. Seated on the green. Quietly whispering Then it is all covered They melt away, To virtual nothing. Silver 95 Twinkling brightly Shining with a sparkling light. But lost, Hidden in a galaxy of many Remaining clustered Blending in. To the constellations The planets Who act as leaders To herd along The lone stars. So I stay there, Scarce yet silver. Stare 95 Falling eternally, Swimming in vastness Spread, apart, expectation. Cutting it through Shutting it down. Lingering life. Slow death. Settling the the tips. Immortal stare, Blinding stare. Hatred 95 Digging deep Burying in flesh Pushing into Mortal terror Sinking blackness. Open pleasure Pouring richness Closed hatred. Prepared to ruin Conquered in filth. Stopping to return Staying to brutality. Killing for it all. Leaving Me 95 To be well Is the best possiblilty Striving for it. Caring to come of it. But it lies there Motionless… It does not want to wake up Will not. So it shall lie there, Dead Leaving me the same. If 95 If I could die, I’d want it to be with completeness. If I could live, I’d want it to be with you. Since I can do neither I will hang onto the edge of both Wishing for the second Yet knowing the first Waiting for a final push To throw me into both. Happy Died 95 It did not come as a surprise For the making was hard and painful. It tried and tried… But, Happy Died. Was a good old friend Still visits upon the normal. It trys to fit in For me though, it is denied. For, Happy Died. Happy died long ago When I first began It struggled riuthlessly Through the tide, Happy Died. Tevse 95 The secret few know The look of purness Steals over the brow, Having that look, Yet being carefully experienced. The eyes are sweet, beautiful. The secret hides inside. Wish I knew, Like to find out. If what is behind The sweetness Truly is sweet Or is actually sour. Have You Ever 95 Have you ever felt that certain way? Wishing does not help Friendship is a base. Have you ever felt the way I feel for you? Destroyed 95 The best, Taken. The love, Beaten. The life, Destroyed. Found Out 95 Disrupting leads, Almost knows. Cannot be sure It may be true It may be joshing Or maybe it’s found out. Blamed 95 Always me, Never asil, Wish sometimes was. But feel bad for it. Cannot ever be right. Cannot ever be enough good. Doesn’t matter, Who, when, why Always blamed. Just Let It Be 95 Fighting, rustling No matter, must be right. Cannot be wrong So you may as well, Let it be. Journey Of Sightlessness 95 Afraid of truth; Those secret thoughts. Hidden in the black ocean, Watery tide of heart, Controlled by a distant moon, A distant love, Pulled in attraction. Pushed with a celestial force. The dark waters sway, Break and cascade over All the shattered hopes Sealing them with new dreams. Healing the age old cracks With the coming of the tide, Watery tide of heart. Controlled, Distant Moon, Distant Love. New Beginning 95 I keep in hiding, Hiding in the shadows… Things that surface… Go back under in a flash. It took so long to realize this superior feeling. It took only a moment for it to be crushed… Like the fragile petals of a rose, My heart is broken and smashed. It only took a whim, It only took a lifetime… I let it run away. I let it seep away. Thinking it was over… But it was just the beginning. Confusion 95 I can see it before me, Yet it eludes all my senses. It’s all encorporated into what stands before me, I cannot find the truth behind the hidden shadows. Search as I might… It calls out to me… And then runs, hiding in the dim cave. The dim cave of humanity. Yet there is nothing humane about the way it is. It is ripping, uncaring, unfeeling. It hides, just beyond my understanding reach. To taunt me with false hopes… Sky’s End 95 Staring up; Endless sky. Towering overhead. Special feelings Unspoken words. Lightly shared. Hinted, not guessed. Unable to show, Unattainable goals, Tangible pain Accostumed hurt Far off care, Like the sky’s end. Soul’s Pain 7/6/95 Deep felt corruption, In the center of it all, the tomb enruptures. Causing all else to fall apart. Break into tiny pieces of nothing… Corruption of the soul. There is nothing left of the life, It lays there on the floor of the tomb… Shattered, fading quickly. To not be remembered. To be easily forgotten. Fool 95 A fool, Breaking the boundaries of faith… Leaving behind dedication… Over all obsession. Taking over every breath, move, and thought. Constant fool, Inconstant hope. To be ruefully tortured… Being the fool, letting it happen. All else fails… Yet, am unable to believe anything else. I play the fool. The Dark 95 I lay there in the dark, Before me stares a soul. The soul is unreadable. I try to stare deep into the center… But the eyes cloud themselves and hide. They pretend not to feel, The soul sleeps inside, So I lay there in the dark. And pretend not to care along with it. Endless Sleep 95 I can imagine, What it would be like Sweet, holding power. Delicate, flesh flower. Floating high, Pleasurable sigh. Soft escape, Looming shadow shape. Serious, no. That is not how it is to go. I can realize, What it is like, Controlling superior Daydreaming inferior. Existence tuned past perfection Tired of repeated rejection. Barred alone, Trusting and prone. Serious, yes. Reality, I confess.	Institutional Force 8/22/95 I am kept here. Prisoner held within. Detained by pure fear. Penance for false sin. Throw myself all around. Break the institution down. There I fall, to the floor. And the guard, lock my door. Be the copy, I refused. Take the form, I denied. Though I be, quite misused. On myself only, I relied. I make the slashes, Burn me to the ground. In the urn, place my ashes. Now I make, no more sound. Are they proud? I am no longer loud. Do they care? Me, whom they couldn’t bare. I am gone Forever laid to rest. Not awake, at the dawn. No more competition, be the best. Basement 95 Wash away, horrific black. Prick your finger, on a tack. Blood red, trickles down. Happily turn to frown. Ghostly terrors, in the night. Icy scream, full of fright. Slowly run, up the wall. Broken neck, nasty fall. Sharp dagger, driven in. Live life, pleasurable sin. Wasted 95 If I surrender, You would be a contender. If I die, You would willfully lie. If I kill, You would supply the pill. You are my drug Put me in the grave I dug. I get high, from your sight. You take me out, every night. Take advantage, of my state. Gladly, become your mate. I beg you, save me. I want you now, no longer flee. Claim me here, for your own. In my veins, toxins sewn. I will give myself to you. Reality for which I have no clue. Take me, while I’m wasted. Liitle love, have I tasted. Be my drug, make me high. I am ready, willing to die. Give me truly false affection, I can’t take anymore rejection. Pulsing Security 8/22/95 Take my heat, Beating weakly from the start. Keep it in a jar, Not to travel, very far. To be admired day to day. No matter what, take it away. It’s warm blood. Brushes the icy walls The redness flows, in a flood. Halfway off, it falls. Crashes to the floor. Glass and blood scatter. To beat weakly no more. With it’s devotion, no longer flatter. Left Alone 8/23/95 I have no one. Turn to angel dust. Though my life has barely begun. That’s what’s left, I must. Life seems to be almost done The cause is only just. From myself, I wish to run. My life has changed to flaky rust. To escape from the gun. There is no one left, that I can trust. It might be such a little prize. Held together, with a string. My faith in it has turned to lies. It’s malevolent truths cause a sting. I cannot see you with my eyes. My heart shows you as a perfect thing. Like a cloud in the sky’s. Dreams of mine, to which they cling. You sail freely, it fly’s. Sad sonnet, I do sing. Sweet Dreams 8/24/95 Though we never really knew, I’ll still have sweet dreams of you. I dream your mine, I dream you care, Everything is fine, Life even looks fair. I have a special place Held close by. Where I gaze at your face. And you never lie. I dream we love, I dream we’re one. I float high above. When it is all done. I will hold And you will smile. Not to be cold, Together for awhile. I dream of forever, I dream we’re together. Sinful Loss 8/24/95 The cold pain, Pressed near. Cool drips, down the drain. As it falls, bloody tear. Crumpled form, In the trash. Drenched by storm. Thunderous lightning crash. On a lone, Cobwebby edge. Nets in water, loosely thrown. Fruitless dredge. I hid it Expelled the longing. I did it Regretful, hurt from wronging. Beyond 95 There he lies, Cool and fake. Here he dies To hell, forsake. How she cries, In his wake. Then she plays, With knives and such. Tormential days, Damned for much. With life she pays, In suicides drowning clutch. Death brings them together Rotting dreams of love. Holding eachother forever. Dim judgement from above, Black journey endeavor. Pale as a pity dove. Reversal Of Possession 94 From your life, I wish to sip. Your blinding greatness in my sight. In your presence, lovely trip. No wish to fight. I longed to be your mate, Hoped for a twist of fate. For your love, I couldn’t wait. My feeling increased, alarming rate. I stayed up late. Thinking, will it ever abate? Until one day, no more do you hate. Obsession, now does rotate. On eachother, we do meditate. All this you did fabricate. The change, I do initiate. The story of my life, you do narrate. Your hold, make me suffocate. Release your grip. It’s too tight. Please, just let it slip. Unjustified, it’s not right. No Understanding 95 You stay in the shallow pool. Afraid of more. Pain, you favorite tool. Causes me old sore, On my heart. Makes me want to fall apart. Did you do it on purpose? Or just meant to wound the surface? You are unaware. Of the unruly torment you cause. Was it on a dare? Or, for your action was there a plause? I want to tear myself away. Get rid of this poisonous affection. Self-buried deep in clay. You are not perfection. I am under your controlling power. My love was turned sour. I want to smash it to the ground. Another I have found. But your always first. AL though I’ve been cursed. The curse of you, still there. Yet you are forever, unaware. Anything 95 The ruby flows Rushing flood. So it goes, Loss of blood. Old story, Retold. No new glory. No descency yet to hold. I see your face And I want to change for you. You, in special place. Will hold true. For you I’d try. Still inside, would I cry. I can pretend for all and any. But to you I cannot lie. Inside, no sight for many. But for you, I would die. I would do anything For your sweet decision. What results will bring In one swift motion. Crush 95 I see you at a glance. Far across the room. At all those before, Yet you mean so much more. May not be, conventional beauty. But to me, That is all I see. Perfection in your eyes. Affection on your lips. Devotion to your being. You are to good for me. I am nothing, You are everything. I’d never amount to anything. I could tell you: All my thoughts revealed. But I’ll never be able to. Will this give you the slightest clue, About the way I feel for you? Blackness 9/30/95 I feel myself sliding Slipping away Into that place, That was before. The blackness is swallowing. Swallowing me up. Taking me away. From all that I love. Breaking apart My quiet reactions. It’s something alive. Breathing and full of pain Clustering it’s sharp claws Embedded deep in flesh. It’s something with power Ruling over all. Threat’s of drowning Within it’s murky depths. It’s something that yearns Wishes for souls to keep. Plots for deprivation beyond all else. It’s something It’s blackness Dreaded constantly. Never 9/30/95 I will never change, I will always love you No matter what. I will never leave, I will always be there Until the end of time. I will never stop, I will listen Anytime you feel the need to speak. This promise is strong. This promise will last long. This promise is forever. I can feel your heart. I knew what your are. I can feel the coldness I wish I could feel the warmth, Of beating pulsing life But I’ll never be there. In that heart that is so rare. I wish I could be the one Who you loved until the end. But I will do so in solitary. Unreturned anguish. I will never change. I will always love you. No matter what. I will never leave, I will always be there Until the end of time. I will Never Forget. Be 10/1/95 I want to be Something special I want to mean To be the difference I beg it to be real. Anything to be. If it flew away, Unto the blue. I’d want it to matter To mean something No one to be there. No one to be. To be real, Sacrifice would come. I’d give anything Just to be. To be, My greatest dream. Just to be, To be someone for me There is no one. No one to be.