Poems Of 1995 II

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	Be 10/1/95 I want to be Something special I want to mean To be the difference I beg it to be real. Anything to be. If it flew away, Unto the blue. I’d want it to matter To mean something No one to be there. No one to be. To be real, Sacrifice would come. I’d give anything Just to be. To be, My greatest dream. Just to be, To be someone for me There is no one. No one to be. Natural Power 10/2/95 My waterfall of sadness Flows fast And rapid. Breaking over the rough-edged rocks. Pouring, Through deep cut cracks. Pretending to seal Just momentarily The worn down boulders. With their selfish greed. The waterfall dies, In a sapphire bay, Melding, molding with The shapeless density. Lucid Reasoning 11/23/95 I dreamt of you again last night Standing in the corner. Drawn in fright You were changing once more Then you opened the door. This one worked on all. When you melted into the wall, So can you tell me, Why you don’t want me? Is there something more I can do To make you true? Is there something you want. I won’t daunt. Can you tell me. Why you don’t want me? In this dream I saw your face. Before you vanished without a trace. Your eyes tried to drown me Bring me back to all the past. I blocked my view, not want to see. I wanted the last time to be the last. So, can you tell me Why you don’t want me? Can I change your mind Will it work to be kind Can you tell me, Why you don’t want me? This dream was new Of course though, it contained you. Swirling, strange danced on your flesh. While, over mine, consisted mesh. So, can you tell me now? I’d really like to know If possible, try to say. Whisper, as it to pray. Why don’t you want me? This dream was lucid and real I could almost touch you, almost feel. I would sleep forever, if it returned Though, awakening, heart painfully burned. So now? Will I ever know Will you ever show? Why you don’t want me. Vermilion Dreams 95 I feel my heart Being torn apart Tearing vermilion life Breathes muffled trife. I feel my dreams, Being torn at the seams. Rusted red pouring out. Smearing all about. I feel so much more, Than this meager score. I could never. Be so clever. As to seal it shut. The agonizing cut. I keep it there Full of wear. To let it seep. Please, don’t make me keep. This everburning chalice Full of horrific malice. Malevolent force. Making its course Raging creek, Vermilionous and bleak. Wishing it Away 95 I realize the life, Covering my skin. Deep, digs the knife. Jutting far within I love that horrible Putrid ceasing The terrible Beautiful vibrant decreasing I want to make All the pain go away My senses to awake. Century lasting day. The bloody tears Stain my face. Bringing about pleasurable fears. Just a ruby trace. I love that end. Within my touch Impossible to mend Never asked for much. Does it hurt, To see me cry Will you bless my dirt, When I finally die. Dreaming Of You 10/8/95 The midnight pours From the starry sky. I lay on the warm pavement Staring at those enchanted stars. And wondering, Thinking of my greatest hope. I dream of your smile. Assuring of myself. Your eyes come into view, Big, And full of innocent knowledge. The cold air surrounds me. As I stare at those enchanted stars Wondering, Thinking of my most appealing fear. My charm held near my heart. Thinking of you. I climb off the warm pavement. The deep midnight pouring all around me. Washing the tears away. As I walk along Thinking of you. Lack Of Innocence 10/9/95 I don’t know what, To believe anymore I want the old innocence, Of my youth. It would be nice, To have a guide. Through this devilish world, Called earth. I haven’t got anything To hold onto when I’m scared. No one to comfort me. When I blindly cry. I would take much pleasure In an apocalyptic god. To watch my every move. And make sure I do it right. I don’t know what To hold true anymore. To whole-heartedly throw myself into. With no regrets or fears. Nothing holds any magic anymore. Now that innocence has fled, Leaving me alone. This boring shell of self. In an adult world with problems And frustrations beyond belief. My beautiful world, Comes tumbling down No nursery rhymes To recite. In the middle of the night For I know them all. And they don’t help a bit. In the adult world Where people die everyday And poverty kills the strong-willed. The adult world is scary, And full of prejudice. The child world is great Abound with security In my eyes, It all seems so perfect Now all I can see. Is the hard, desolate truth. The kaleidoscope of beauty. Has broken to shattered pieces. The sun may glint. Upon them every now and then. Letting their colors shine back In a magic splendor. Reflecting upon the hard dirt floor. Base of the cruel adult world. Where the dirt flies into the eyes. Of the weak and woeful. Who still believe In the powerful, childhood colors To sting them, And bring reality crushing down. Lasting Coals 10/11/95 I gazed into those burning fires. Fueling my quick desires My belief now tires The dead and dry ashes. Cover around Spread my soul thin upon the ground. In little pieces, broken and thrown. Your deadly flames Burn me down. Your coldness pours Making me drown. First the fire, then the snow. They both confuse me so. I don’t know whether. These soot ridden ashes can make it. To the next warm fire. Another warmth, To glow my embers And keep me safe again But that snowy fire. Will always be remembered. A promise from the Burned and charred ash That you have thrown out. You Say, I Say 10/12/95 You say you’ll always love me, You say you’ll always care. You say you’ll never leave me, You say you’ll always be there. You say you want to help me You say that I’m the one. You say you want to hold me. You say you’ll listen, until all is done. I say I love you, You say, as do I I say so prove it. You say no way. I saying I’m crying You say you’re joining I say why You say why should I try. I say for you, You say for us. I say believe it, You say reprieve it. I say for both You say alright We say together Let’s spend all night Saying what we really feel. You say let’s just make it real. I say I hope so We say together, I’ll love you forever. Tic-Tac-Toe 11/18/95 I play the game. With no real shame. I can’t see your soul. Though, that is not my goal. To see your soul. I take your hand. But it slips like sand. Away to the floor. Though it does not open the Door. Sand, away to the floor. I want to play. But you won’t stay Here with me. Though you can’t see Or play with me. You say I don’t play fair. That I don’t really share. I break your toys. Though I kill your joys. By taking your toys. I don’t want to play anymore. For my skin you tore. You are the one. Though that makes it done. You are the one. You lie and cheat. So as you can’t be beat. I don’t want you. Though its true. I no longer want you.	Shower’s Of Regret 10/13/95 He lays on the Feather’s soft. Dreaming the dream. Again. His eyelashes flicker Like a birds wing. His hands grasp the covers For the support She sits in the Cotton hard. Watching his every move. Monitoring his every breathe. He lays there Lucidity consuming him Thinking only of her. She’s standing on the silver moon. Shining high above The wind is blowing all around. Making he look fake. She falls into the black. Breaking his concentration She is gone. She watches him As he struggles Wondering what he is thinking A sudden pain, upon her heart She thumps down. To the floor. Looking up, The tears are flowing, Upon his sleeping brow. He awakens, Relieving rush. Just a fleeting dream. She is still here to love Then he glimpses his love. On the wood. Looking pale, pallid eyes. He leans over, And shower’s her with regret. Untouchable forneverness 10/19/95 I can’t make all the pain go away. No matter what I do or say. It is continually with me Making me want to run and flee. I endow my trust I feel that I must But no one ever loves back, I follow the eternal wrong track They all say, I am something But truly, I am nothing. No one really knows How the endless story goes. I confess, all my pain. From my heart, emotions drain. They look at me, All they see Is a horrid ugly regret. I will never forget. They told me forever But, coming true was never. Never will this circle end. Never will these wounds mend. I’m sick of all the lie. I want it all to die. My trust can no longer be out. Without a sliver of a doubt. I want none of it to matter. Gone 10/19/95 I can sense your stare Burrowing through, Your intense knowledge is no fair. But so righteously true. All I ever wanted, Was your affection. All I ever received, Was your rejection. You were my sweetest yearn. But all you did was spurn. I wish to put it, In my past. End this painful fit, Make it be my last. Consequent Touch 10/22/95 To tear apart All those false little fancies And start over anew. Can you ever believe me Actually listen. Listen with your heart, Not judge with your eyes. Everything about you Makes me want to be different. Makes me want to be yours. Makes me want you to be mine. Steel Plea 10/22/95 I will listen and care I will not judge, but be fair. I will hold you above all I will unwittingly fall. I love you, And believe me, its oh so true. I want to hold your heart, Within the bounds of mine Keep it near Hold it for always dear. Take it, as so many have mine. Make me continuously pine. I love you so much I love your unfeeling touch The times you have made me cry Made me think of a time to die. The times I have wanted to leave You helped me, those times reprieve. You helped me through a lot. We never really fought. I feel our love, Plutonic and pure I feel our love, Close and passionate. I never really had, I love this bad. Maybe someday we’ll fully understand What we never really planned. Maybe then we’ll be together In our friendly emotion endeavor. I just wanted to thank you For all that you have told me All that you have showed me. I hope it never ends I hope you feel this way too. Please except this Please, never forget this. Jeweled Status 10/23/95 I see those emerald tears, Playing on the alabaster. Dancing and swimming will delight. Joining together, Breaking apart into separate droplets Leaving a shiny piece behind. Taking turns being in the center. I wonder what its like I mean, What it’s like being an emerald tear. I wouldn’t know. I’m just a scarlet drop. Red, scattered, far apart. Singular, alone. No one to gather, or separate with. Not many to keep company. Few remembrances. Sad scarlet. Lonely forever. Admiring the emerald tears. Have to remember the scarlet drop. Matter Not 10/24/95 I’m hurt, I feel like dirt. You crushed me I killed me. Stop the breath. Cover me in black death. Feel myself rot. Love only, I sought. Shoulder to cry on. Bed to die on. First I never had I just remain sad. Second I beg for Heal this callous sore. Change me New light to see Soul has no shape No clothes to drape. It wouldn’t matter, If I had the latter. A thought cannot be judged Or even begrudged. By its appearance. While a human, alive. Cannot ever survive. When there is no one To help them be done. When looks mean life, Though they are trife. It matters not, When you rot. What you shape was. Just what your spirit does. Epitomized Self 10/29/95 Coal holds all the magic for me. Represents all that I have become. Black charred, Crumbly with dust And dark powder. Slipping through, everyone’s hands, Everyone who insists to keep me. Staining their skin Residue easily washed away. All those fibers, Intertwined. Like all those thoughts That clutter my mind. Treasonous World 11/3/95 Shall I pretend, that I know not how. This world views its children; It hates them, when hope they sought And batters them with absolution May I play, pretend I know not reality I cannot see with my blind eyes Those dirty, dank alleys. Pushed, where diseases flow freely Clung to everyday. Will this cruel world, allow me now To warn the newborn Of the fate they will know And the hate that will grow. In their everblooming wombs of attribution. Shall I pretend, that I know not how, This world teaches its children; Plays with their mind, controls their souls. And expects so much retribution. May I play, pretend I know not Of the prejudice that sleeps, And eternally keeps, those entity’s hidden away. To take back my registration I don’t want to be a solitary part. Of all this restitution. I don’t want ot listen, uninformed teacher. I don’t want to take, things to break. I don’t want to know, just to grow. Grow to bring another. Please 11/8/95 I have never been loved. I have never been praised. But, yet, over you, I am so crazed. I beg of you Please don’t ignore me. Please don’t pretend anymore. Please stay by me forevermore. I realize that I am not very much. But I am something as such. Something wants, gentle touch. I ask of you, Please get this meaning Please listen to my soft gleaning. Please show me the truth. Within your sable gems. I cannot stand not to know If you will stay, Or if you will go. I don’t understand Just how I feel All I’m sure of Is this is real. Lovesick 11/16/95 Could I be, But, sick? Love yes I love you with all my being But, there is no possibility That the thought would make me sick. I may be consumed, In a hot fever. My heart may skip, At the sound of your voice. My blood could cease, At your warm gentle touch. Though I am not ill. Though I cannot stay still. From the love that I suffer. I suffer, From the ignored feelings. I weep, From the denied reeling. I may not be sick, But, I believe that you are. Believe that you can’t stand the sight of me. You can’t stand the feeling of me. You can’t stand the truth of me. I will suffer from your love, Make no mistake, I do not want guilt. All I want is recognition. That maybe this sickness will leave me at last.